I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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