I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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