i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
