mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
