i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize