Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up under a house in Key West
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