She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
