This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
