haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
