He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
