Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
