So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
