Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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