My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she looked like the before picture.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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