we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
