It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
