Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
