I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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