before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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