I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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