with your own penis?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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