Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
