There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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