i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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