Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
