i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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