he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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