Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
