Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
