And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
