biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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