I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
