3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have aggressive nipples.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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