Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
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