im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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