I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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