so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
