it hurts more in the daytime
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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