i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
