sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize