just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
