so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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