How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
