1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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