So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
