Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
