I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
