I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize