she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
