I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
