We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
