what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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