I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
