dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
