This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
MIDGETS
????
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
