Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
