He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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