I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
