ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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