You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
