Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
