Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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