Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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