The maid of honor just puked.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize