i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize