in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize