Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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