I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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