I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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