South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
