Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize