Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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